C

My heart hurts. He just went to bed and I already miss him. I've turned into one of *those* girls. /sigh I don't want to be one of *those* girls. I'm not, not really. But if I think about how much I care for him I'll get scared and run away and I definitely don't want that. I'm ready for March to be here already. I want to get this meeting thing done so that I can put both our minds to rest and we can move on with things. I want us to both be sure and the only way to really do that is to meet. I do so wish I could just leave now and run up there for a couple days. I would dearly love that. I've just gotten so much closer to him over the past couple weeks. I really didn't know that we could get on this well. I think we needed our first tumultuous affair so that we could both grow and end up where we are now. We've both changed quite a bit since the summer, that's for sure. I'm getting to the point where I think I would be utterly crushed if he were to just leave... but I'm also to the point where logically, I don't think it will happen. We've been able to openly talk about things that I wouldn't have even thought about talking to him about in the past. He's been able to relieve all of my fears (not that there are that many) and that in itself has been a godsend.

I just *sigh*. I love him. Beyond that, I can actually see it working long term without that much of a stretch of the imagination. I know that no one else really gets it... but no one else really sees what I see when I look at him and very few people get to see the sides of him that I've seen.

I'm going "home" in a couple days. It's always stressful when I'm there and we don't get to talk as much which makes me massively sad and I'm already getting sad just thinking about it. I'll get to see 4 of my best friends though and that's worth it.

The moral of the story: Turns out I do know what it means to love.