Hogfather Quotables

If you haven't read or watched Terry Pratchett's "Hogfather" you need to. Immediately. Go to Blockbuster and rent it and then go buy the book from Amazon.

If it isn't obvious... I absolutely adore this movie. :)

Quotes from the movie:

Narrator: Everything starts somewhere, though many physicists disagree.

Susan: [Susan is reading the fairy tale "Jack and the beanstalk" to children] And then Jack chopped down what was the world's last beanstalk, adding murder and ecological terrorism to the theft, enticement and trespass charges already mentioned and all the giant's children didn't have a daddy any more. But he got away with it and lived happily ever after without so much as a guilty twinge about what he had done. Which proves that you can be excused just about anything if you're a hero, because no one asks inconvenient questions.

Narrator: (About Susan) She'd become a governess. It was one of the few jobs a known lady could do. And she'd taken to it well. She'd sworn that if she did indeed ever find herself dancing on rooftops with chimney sweeps she'd beat herself to death with her own umbrella.

Mr. Teatime: Children of the world, prepare to think as you are told.

Death: [half-heartedly] Ho, ho, ho.
Albert: No, no, no! It needs to be more jolly; put some life into it... oh, no offense, sir...

Death: Human beings make life so interesting. Do you know, that in a universe so full of wonders, they have managed to invent boredom.

Death: Humans need fantasy to *be* human. To be the place where the falling angel meets the rising ape.

Death: It's a sword, it's not meant to be safe.
Albert: But she's a child! What if she cuts herself?
Death: That would be an important lesson.

Susan: Hello inner child, I'm the inner babysitter.

Lord Downey: Mr. Teatime, are you telling me you have actually sat down and given thought into how to inhume Death?
Teatime: Everyone has a weakness sir

Lord Downey: (About Mr. Teatime) We took pity on him because he'd lost both parents at an early age. I think that, on reflection, we should have wondered a bit more about that.

Death: You might very well think that I'd already thought of that, but I couldn't possibly comment.

Narrator: (About the Unseen University Professors) They were grown men, or at least had lived for several decades, which in some societies is considered the same thing.

Narrator: Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

Computer: +++ Divide By Cucumber Error. Please Reinstall Universe And Reboot +++.

Death: Mere accumulation of observational evidence is not proof.

Death: It gets under your skin, life, speaking metaphorically of course. It's a habit that's hard to give up. One puff of breath is never enough. You'll find you want to take another.

Narrator: Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.

Narrator: The truth may be out there, but the lies are inside your head.